she told me i tasted like america
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
