My first STD was from a foam party
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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