so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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