I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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