So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
