I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
