I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
