Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
