I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
