just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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