If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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