I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
