I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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