everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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