Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
