What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
