those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I need to stop coming to work sober
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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