I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she looked like the before picture.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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