we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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