i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
