yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
