no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
