I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
