Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I wish there were birth control emojis
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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