All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
