you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
