It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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