dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
