This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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