She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
