If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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