I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
