Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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