you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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