some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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