In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
