Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
