I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Randomize
