Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
