Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
