I wish I could teleport
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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