Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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