I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
