Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
this hospital has no fireball
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
