We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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