so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
