Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
