with your own penis?
my phone needs a breathalizer
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
