So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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