dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
